He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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