I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
