Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
