she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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