someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize