That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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