she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
