I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
