I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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