I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
