I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
