We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
