Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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