Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
