I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
