Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
