How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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