I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
