I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
