Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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