It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
