lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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