just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he thought i was a dude.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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