We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
