You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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