just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
