headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize