I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
