3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
