Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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