it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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