Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
