I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
