I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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