Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
