this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
