Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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