I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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