My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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