Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
