I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize