Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
