I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
