i think my tv is drunk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
