The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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