i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He passed out mid-signature
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My feet surprised me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
