chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
