How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
