I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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