so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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