you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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