His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
