i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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