I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
