I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
