i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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