just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
