I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
