if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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