i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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