He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
