Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
